The Ultimate Superheroines Forum

To Be Continued

Keep it up! Looks fantastic!

Very good stuff. You can imply a few actions with out actually spelling them out (like having the buzzing noise and then her checking the phone - we don't need to be told that's what the buzzing was) - not trying to be hypercritical just pointing it out to make a tighter story. Remember it's a visual medium so don't need to set everything down in the text boxes.

Really good job I look forward to seeing the story unfold

"Very good stuff. You can imply a few actions with out actually spelling them out (like having the buzzing noise and then her checking the phone - we don't need to be told that's what the buzzing was) - not trying to be hypercritical just pointing it out to make a tighter story. Remember it's a visual medium so don't need to set everything down in the text boxes.

Really good job I look forward to seeing the story unfold"


Thanks for the input it is greatly appreciated!

"Keep it up! Looks fantastic!"


Glad you like it so far. Thanks for the support.

The first frame of page 11, with the Knight looking up at the Captain as he belittles her, that's brilliant work!

Bert wrote: ↑

3 years ago

The first frame of page 11, with the Knight looking up at the Captain as he belittles her, that's brilliant work!

Thanks! I appreciate it.

Well that's kind of a cruel spot to end this instalment!

Great job, McGheeny! The premise of the corrupt and sexed-up cops being in league with the criminal, leaving the heroine imperiled on all sides, is an intriguing one.

1) Unless there is a specific explanation for it (like to show time passing by very slowly), in a normal comic with action (whether physical or sexual) you don't want so many of the panels to look so similar to each other. It's better to have much more variation in the positions of the characters and the scenes so that the story feels like it's moving along at a decent clip.

Most of the panels in your stories have only one word balloon or one person saying one statement at a time. I'm not saying you should pack your panels with too much dialogue, but you can definitely have two to three lines in the same panel, whether spoken by the same person or different characters. This would reduce the number of your pages considerably (probably almost 50%) and you would have a much tighter narrative.

Anyone can feel free to disagree with me politely as they like, but if you look at most superhero comic books (albeit maybe not the ones with too many characters standing around in hallways talking about their feelings and their favorite foods), you will see that the action is almost constantly moving forward, unless there's a really solid reason not to.

2) Another thing you might want to pay attention to is to clearly denote which panels are flashbacks. You could get fancy and give the flashback panels a different border (like in a cloud or a dreamlike memory), or it could just be something as simple as a caption that says, "Several hours earlier, across the city in a rundown apartment.." (which is a flashback caption I'm using in H-Burgh Issue #2).

3) One final thought: the Knight in her heroine form has the exact same thin body as she does in her secret identity, and she also doesn't wear a mask. Wouldn't the police department be able to easily identify who she is, especially if they have cameras in the police station and the interrogation room?

Mr. McGheeny, you may well be inclined to take shevek's five paragraphs of criticism of your excellent work to heart. That is entirely your prerogative. But whatever you decide, you may want to first consider the source. You see, shevek is also a producer of superheroine content, in the form of a series of videos. Now it must be said that this forum has been inordinately kind to shevek over the last two years by resisting the temptation to explore the artistic merits of his own work even as he has been quite controversial, and even provocative in his superabundant posting habits. But before taking his criticism to heart, you may wish to explore his work, with particular attention paid to the earworm theme song, the haute couture costumes, the Shakespearian level dialog and the brilliantly choreographed action sequences. If, after taking these factors into consideration, you decide to heed shevek's criticism, at least it will be from a vantage point of informed perception.

Whoa let's avoid barbed attacks on each other please, especially when the criticism is constructive and non malicious.

Fixed it.

This shows some promise. My main complaint is the lack of a fight scene between pages 8 and 9. Maybe add page 8.5.

Bert wrote: ↑

3 years ago

Well that's kind of a cruel spot to end this instalment!

Do not worry, the next installment I believe will be worth the wait. And, the wait won't be long

Bert wrote: ↑

3 years ago

Mr. McGheeny, you may well be inclined to take shevek's five paragraphs of criticism of your excellent work to heart. That is entirely your prerogative. But whatever you decide, you may want to first consider the source. You see, shevek is also a producer of superheroine content, in the form of a series of videos. Now it must be said that this forum has been inordinately kind to shevek over the last two years by resisting the temptation to explore the artistic merits of his own work even as he has been quite controversial, and even provocative in his superabundant posting habits. But before taking his criticism to heart, you may wish to explore his work, with particular attention paid to the earworm theme song, the haute couture costumes, the Shakespearian level dialog and the brilliantly choreographed action sequences. If, after taking these factors into consideration, you decide to heed shevek's criticism, at least it will be from a vantage point of informed perception.

I thank you again for your thoughts and most of all for your support.

ivandobsky wrote: ↑

3 years ago

This shows some promise. My main complaint is the lack of a fight scene between pages 8 and 9. Maybe add page 8.5.

Thanks! The actual first encounter between these two happened in a previous story. I have not finished that work yet but I will do what I can to have it ready as a follow up. This way I can give more continuity and detail on the heroine and the other players. And, I will look at possibly adding a page 8.5.