Guardians of Justice (Netflix, 2022)

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shevek
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Rather surprised nobody brought this up yet - especially given that it features not only four very beautiful actresses in a superheroine theme,
but two legendary actresses from the 80s/90s and a horror icon.



Released nearly a year ago back in March 2022, "Guardians of Justice" is a heavily obsessed, anal-retentive parody of the Justice League.
Creator Adi Shankar purportedly spent *seven years* on this project before it was released.
Why he was so obsessed with it, I'm not sure, because there's nothing original about it, other than the pastiche approach whereby
it combines live-action sequences with animation (not the best animation, to be honest) and stock-footage clips. And I'm guessing that approach
may not be original, either, but I just haven't watched the kinds of shows that would do that.

The premise is "who killed one of the most famous members of the world's most powerful super team?". So that's been done in Watchmen, The Boys,
and Powers. If you count "who killed the whole superteam" it also includes Invincible, and "who killed the villain and violated the Code" it also brings in Jupiter's Legacy. All fun shows with lots of spandex, many of which occurred between the time Shankar conceived this project and its completion. Why did he continue making it?

Maybe because he felt such pride in being the first to cast a famous professional wrestler in one of the starring roles? (This seems to be a key reason
why anyone is watching this series, according to the comments on the Youtube trailer who are all fans of this gentleman Diamond Dallas Page, whom I have never heard of). But wait: Guardians of the Galaxy, Black Adam, Peacemaker.

So, I've got to be honest, I have no idea why Shankar kept on the road to making this series. I hope he at least got a decent payday from Netflix for it. It's not a bad watch, after the two episodes I've seen. It's just extremely derivative.

But there's not only the strain of utterly deriving all of the characters from all the major DC Comics characters (which Alan Moore and several others already covered, 40 years ago). There's also the whole "80s retro" vibe with the show taking place in 1987, but not using 1980s music or even trying to hire John Carpenter - instead, they use a 'synthwave" soundtrack composed by a modern artist named Oscillian. I'd never heard of him before (although if you listen to Gunship or world-famous Pittsburgh synth duos Arcade High and Zombi, you'll already know the general idea) and he seems to have some good tracks on Youtube. But again - what happened between the time Shankar conceived this show and executed it? Stranger Things, of course, and a bunch of other shows with 80s-retro vibes. So this series lives in the shadow of all that.

So why am I watching this? Well...because there's this casting director named Carmen Aiello, who seems like he was buddies with Shankar for the whole creative process of Guardians of Justice. And as part of the series' publicity, Aiello made a big deal out of the idea that 'diversity and inclusion' should be *mandated* in the entertainment industry to the point where if you don't want to go along with it, you should step down and retire, and make way for someone who does. I don't know exactly why this random Italian guy virtue-signalled so goddamn hard, but if you think I'm kidding about the intensity of his purpose, here's an interview with him on Medium:


But back to Carmen Aiello. His Diversity, Equity and Inclusion efforts were a major success and should be highly lauded. Remember how The Flash TV series barely starred Grant Gustin for the past few seasons, because every scene was taken up by women talking amongst each other to pass the Bechdel Test? And remember how you didn't mind that, because most of these women had superpowers, they were all quite beautiful, and looked great in their wardrobes? Like for example when they introduced the character Meena Dhawan (Fast Track) last season as a guest star, and she was a knockout in her tight shiny outfit?

It's exactly the same here. Because whatever preachery Aiello did on his Instagram account (and he did quite a lot), it resulted in four very beautiful women being cast in this series. Legendary screen hottie Denise Richards plays the Lois Lane counterpart*. Sexy black actress Tiffany Hines plays Black Bow (the gender-flipped Green Arrow). Gorgeous Indian supermodel Preeti Desai plays Golden Goddess (the ethno-flipped Wonder Woman). And Australian actress Sharni Vinson slips nicely into the tight shiny catsuit of Speed (the gender-flipped Flash).

Interestingly enough, with all of that brave talk, the casting for Guardians somehow also swings to the anti-diverse: the obvious counterpart to the Black Canary - Blue Scream - is just an ordinary-looking dude. Not sure why they did that, unless it was just really important to have a 50/50 team.
But there are some more legends involved: Jane Seymour plays Walker (a parody of Amanda Waller) and Brigitte Nielsen plays Queen Anubis (kind of a Madame Hydra figure). Also, the superhero Awesome Man is played by Derek Mears - who was Jason Voorhees in the 2009 F13 reboot, and was also in the Swamp Thing costume in the 2019 Swamp Thing TV show; Christopher Judge (Teal'c from Stargate) plays the President of the US; and yet another wrestler, John Hennigan, plays Red Talon (a gung-ho patriotic version of Nightwing/Red Hood). So yes, admittedly, another reason to watch this is all of the star power. Which makes it even weirder that I hadn't heard of it almost a year after it came out.

Unfortunately, the manner in which I watched this made it difficult to get unobstructed screen stills. So you'll have to settle for these photos below,
which should give you a good idea of what these heroines look like. You get what you get, and you don't get upset.

I'll have a wrap-up on the series' first season - it's only seven episodes total, so I should be able to finish it by sometime later tonight.

(*In fact, that was how I found out about this apparently very poorly advertised Netflix show in the first place: I was watching 'Undercover Brother' last night to revisit the incredible sexiness that both Denise Richards and the since gone-woke Aunjanue Ellis displayed within - has that fight scene with the catsuit-ripping and shower-inundation ever been discussed on this Forum??? - and I was looking to see what Richards has been doing lately, and Guardians came up.)

Guardians cartoon version.
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Guardians live cast.
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Black Bow tied up in a chair. This apparently happens in a later episode. Peril???
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Speed close-up (I couldn't find any photo of her whole costume - see the above smaller photo).
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Golden Goddess. Those shoulder pads are ridiculous but maybe that's part of the 80s vibe.
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shevek
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Alright, I watched this whole thing, and there's no question that the production mainly represents Carmen Aiello's crusade for inclusivity as outlined in his Medium essay.

Episode 5 is probably the episode most worth watching for those on the Forum. There's some sexy stuff, and there's also injected propaganda.
It has a scene about the Golden Goddess enjoying the torture she is inflicting on Night Hawk, who arrives in her kingdom to question her about the
death of the hero, Marvelous Man.
It has another scene about the black heroine Meow (the parody Catwoman) and her black lesbian lover. While professing love for each other, they are invaded by a team of dirty cops who kill Meow's lover to show that lesbianism is against the "law of God". But the cops are all white so there's racism thrown in as well. This is supposed to stir up compassionate feelings in the heart of the viewer. Then Meow puts on a tight catsuit and a motorcycle helmet, and goes on a killing spree in the cop station. Killing cops, you see, is supposed to give a cathartic feeling to the viewer after seeing the 'oppression' in the previous scene.

There's also a budding romance between Speed and Awesome Man.

That feeling we get in Episode 5 is magnified in Episode 6, where it is revealed that
Spoiler
the villain Mind Master is gay, and that he had an ongoing gay affair with Marvelous Man, who killed himself to avoid the affair being publicized to the world.
The President, played by Christopher Judge, then announces "we will curtail the homosexual epidemic". Essentially, the viewer is browbeaten with messages of an oppressive America, and the message continues from there, painting America as a force that exists "to terrify everyone else" and creates enemies (like Anubis) to justify its grip on the globe, etc. I would say that Christopher Judge is good at playing a villain but he's really just a cardboard cutout here.

This paranoia steps up a whole 'nother level in Episode 7 where
Spoiler
Knight Hawk (the Batman figure, although in a Watchmen sense he'd be likened more to the Ozymandias figure) is revealed to secretly be a fascist whose aim to take over the world to rid it of conflict and forcibly impose world peace. Supposedly this is to unite humanity so it can face the oncoming threat of the galactic conqeuror, Galactron.
He does this by creating an army. We don't see at all how or where this army is created - it just suddenly appears, fully formed. And let's just say the word "fascist" is used multiple times in this final episode, which culminates with big roles for only Speed and Awesome Man. Why the rest of the Guardians were even used in this series when they don't figure at all in the final battle makes no sense - were they just there to fill out the 'parody roster' or the diversity check-boxes, and to use up precious time? I felt robbed having watched all this, when not everyone who was introduced at the beginning was involved in the final battle.

Another weird thing was the continuous mispronunciation of the word "nuclear" as "nucular" by several of the characters. Did their meticulous editing process not catch such an obvious mistake?

So I'm sorry to report that I'm not at all sure that this is worth seeing, unless maybe you're a fan of Diamond Dallas Page and really want to see him in an action role. There was way too much bouncing back and forth between cartoon depictions (which were highly inconsistent - it looked like every sequence was created by a different artists) and green screen scenes and on-location action sequences. It made the presentation highly uneven.

Here are a bunch of stills!

The Meow in her tight and shiny black catsuit of anti-cop vengeance.
the meow.jpg
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Speed with her goggles, full costume shot.
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Golden Goddess - how dare you!
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Golden Goddess side shot. There are a bunch of close up angles of cleavage and lips - they go intense on the objectification to show how turned on she is when she is abusing Knight Hawk.
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Guardians cartoon shot in Episode 7.
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What looks like an alternate costume for Golden Goddess? It's only shown for a split second in EP7, but it's gorgeous.
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Baralton
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I too watched this series, and it is bit let down. I have have to admit the premise is interesting as to why Night Hawk did it, but by yhe end of it, you wonder if there was point to his actions in the first place. Also, the only character that I like was Speed.
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shevek
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Baralton wrote:
1 year ago
I too watched this series, and it is bit let down. I have have to admit the premise is interesting as to why Night Hawk did it, but by yhe end of it, you wonder if there was point to his actions in the first place. Also, the only character that I like was Speed.
Well, this is why Night Hawk *supposedly* did it:
Spoiler
Marvelous Man told him a while back that Galactron was going to eventually head for Earth
(this is rather similar to Omni-Man being the harbinger for the Viltrumites in Invincible, isn't it?)
but the problem remains: how do you get a huge regimented neo-fascist army together so quickly without anyone seeing you assemble it?
I know Night Hawk said something about gathering together the homeless and the unwanted, but those aren't the kind of people you can train easily
in a few days to march in lines by the thousands.

Where do you house this army? The Guardians' satellite didn't look like it was big enough to hold all the soldiers who were attacking Speed. The army is mentioned as being "private", so they're not using government bases, right? Yes, Night Hawk is a "trillionaire" (rather convenient, since there weren't even that many **billionaires** in the 1980s yet) but he has to purchase land somewhere, or a secret island, and it's not made clear where any of that training is taking place, or where the army base is.

And then let's look at Night Hawk himself: all through the film he is shown as old, grizzled and washed-up, exactly the way a retired professional wrestler would look. How does a man like that, well past his prime, suddenly 'snap to attention' and get fit and charismatic enough to lead a huge
army? If he has transformed and regained his mojo, the series simply doesn't show it.

The story is slipshod, and the motivation of the main villain is weak and incomplete.

I think you're right about Speed being the best character, but even she has some sizeable flaws. Night Hawk even mentions that she has lost a bunch of muscle definition since receiving her powers (how did anyone in the show even get their powers in the first place? No origins are explained.) because running is so easy for her. Yet we don't see her engaging in any high caloric intake, which is the usual trope for speedsters. And she may have lost *more* than just muscle: she is stick-thin with barely any curves, and an A-cup.

I also forgot to mention that the fact that every damn superhero battle in this show is depicted as a video game sequence is, of course, stolen straight out of Scott Pilgrim. And that some of the 'animation' used in the show is actually ***claymation***, which looks frigging terrible at depicting superheroes. The Claymation 'Speed' might as well look like Mr. Bill from Saturday Night Live.
Baralton
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shevek wrote:
1 year ago
Baralton wrote:
1 year ago
I too watched this series, and it is bit let down. I have have to admit the premise is interesting as to why Night Hawk did it, but by yhe end of it, you wonder if there was point to his actions in the first place. Also, the only character that I like was Speed.
Well, this is why Night Hawk *supposedly* did it:
Spoiler
Marvelous Man told him a while back that Galactron was going to eventually head for Earth
(this is rather similar to Omni-Man being the harbinger for the Viltrumites in Invincible, isn't it?)
but the problem remains: how do you get a huge regimented neo-fascist army together so quickly without anyone seeing you assemble it?
I know Night Hawk said something about gathering together the homeless and the unwanted, but those aren't the kind of people you can train easily
in a few days to march in lines by the thousands.

Where do you house this army? The Guardians' satellite didn't look like it was big enough to hold all the soldiers who were attacking Speed. The army is mentioned as being "private", so they're not using government bases, right? Yes, Night Hawk is a "trillionaire" (rather convenient, since there weren't even that many **billionaires** in the 1980s yet) but he has to purchase land somewhere, or a secret island, and it's not made clear where any of that training is taking place, or where the army base is.

And then let's look at Night Hawk himself: all through the film he is shown as old, grizzled and washed-up, exactly the way a retired professional wrestler would look. How does a man like that, well past his prime, suddenly 'snap to attention' and get fit and charismatic enough to lead a huge
army? If he has transformed and regained his mojo, the series simply doesn't show it.

The story is slipshod, and the motivation of the main villain is weak and incomplete.

I think you're right about Speed being the best character, but even she has some sizeable flaws. Night Hawk even mentions that she has lost a bunch of muscle definition since receiving her powers (how did anyone in the show even get their powers in the first place? No origins are explained.) because running is so easy for her. Yet we don't see her engaging in any high caloric intake, which is the usual trope for speedsters. And she may have lost *more* than just muscle: she is stick-thin with barely any curves, and an A-cup.

I also forgot to mention that the fact that every damn superhero battle in this show is depicted as a video game sequence is, of course, stolen straight out of Scott Pilgrim. And that some of the 'animation' used in the show is actually ***claymation***, which looks frigging terrible at depicting superheroes. The Claymation 'Speed' might as well look like Mr. Bill from Saturday Night Live.
It has been a while since I seen it, but you are right as there is no set timeline for event as the superman of that universe committed suicide. Unless the addict heroes that Night Hawk sent to recruit the homeless and such to become his army and even if he stationed them in underground tunnels beneath the city, they would have to use tactics that resemble that of a cult or something similar. Sadly, the various types of animation that was supposed to fill in for whatever they could not afford in cgi left the plot rushed as the entire thing could have happened months after episode one, but it didn't or did not feel like it.

I think Carmen whatever his last name was overly ambitious when making it which left a lot out of the picture.

Luckily, my cousin stopped watching it after episode 2...I think.
vnv7272
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Nucular was the more common pronunciation during the 80s, I recall.
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shevek
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vnv7272 wrote:
1 year ago
Nucular was the more common pronunciation during the 80s, I recall.
"In popular culture, this pronunciation has often been used to signify inferiority, low intellect or foolishness."

It's incorrect, regardless, but at least four presidents pronounced it incorrectly (including George W Bush, although *not* George Bush in 1987), and I like this explanation:

"[Linguist] Geoffrey Nunberg quotes a government weapons specialist: "Oh, I only say 'nucular' when I'm talking about nukes." Nunberg argues that this pronunciation by weapons specialists and by politicians such as Bush may be a deliberate choice. He suggests that the reasons for this choice are to assert authority or to sound folksy."
vnv7272
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To "assert authority" or "sound folksy" seem like opposite ends of the spectrum almost, to me. Odd choice, but he's the linguist.

I do agree it was most used in regards to nukes and that is my familiarity with it. i kind of recall people started to make stink over it in the 90s, at least that is when i started to notice. Maybe because Reagan was out of the picture by then.
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Kitten
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To be fair, this is a really really REALLY old niche concept that has all but vanished from most peoples memories. It was suppose to be an early entry for superheroes in the software market but became vapor ware instead.

I think it's interesting that it was never a comic... never a game... but somehow got a film... but... the batgirl movie didnt...

https://www.unseen64.net/2010/06/06/gua ... cancelled/

For 1997, it would have been a ground breaking game in the genre... ahead of DC heroes... Champions... and City of heroes. It is kinda cool to see some of the character write ups in the game up in live action though.

^.6
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shevek
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Kitten wrote:
1 year ago
To be fair, this is a really really REALLY old niche concept that has all but vanished from most peoples memories. It was suppose to be an early entry for superheroes in the software market but became vapor ware instead.

I think it's interesting that it was never a comic... never a game... but somehow got a film... but... the batgirl movie didnt...

https://www.unseen64.net/2010/06/06/gua ... cancelled/

For 1997, it would have been a ground breaking game in the genre... ahead of DC heroes... Champions... and City of heroes. It is kinda cool to see some of the character write ups in the game up in live action though.

^.6
Not sure it's related? The Adi Shankar TV series was originally called "Gods and Secrets". And there are no character names in common.
So it might just be that they happen to have the same name - it's not a hard one to think of. Cool looking game, though.

(Also, it looks like that game was using some character names which Marvel and DC were already using at the time? Most famous one obviously being Black Widow, but there is Photon, Quasar, Nightshade and others.)

But it *is* interesting that almost all of Shankar's upcoming projects have to do with turning various video games into Netflix series (looks like he has some kind of long-term deal to do that). The question is: Shankar is so young (38) that he would have been only 12 when the information about the 1997 Guardians of Justice game was published - would he have even seen the articles in those magazines about the game? (maybe?)

BTW, Champions far precedes any of these other games, having been created in 1981 as an RPG.
I have many of the Champions comics from the 1980s - it's a big influence from the same period as original Fem Force.
Heroic Publishing, which printed the Champions books (now running as "League of Champions") is still going today.
"Sexy and powerful superheroines" is still their slogan.
https://www.heroicmultiverse.com/heroicpub/
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Kitten
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Yes, champions was the first RPG (as far as i can tell), i meant a software game for Superheroics.

It was suppose to be X-Com~ish. You can see some of the later X-coms how this might have worked out since the soldiers start using 'bio enhancements' and 'cybernetic enhancements' are borderline super genre to me.

They might have changed some of the character names around. As you observed some of the names were already taken. That golden goddess sort of reminds me of Scarab from the AOG game.
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