100.jpg)
d
-
GeekyPornCritic
I read through the entire story. Bat123, I applaud you for writing your first story as we must start somewhere. I think your story has interesting concepts for a failing district attorney who wants to deliver justice. She can deliver justice if she kills them and the demon feeds on their souls.
However, there are a few problems. First and most importantly, the story is very difficult to read. Please use punctuations as they will make it easier for readers to read your work. Also, I find it hard to believe she loses every case and every criminal has enough money to pay his way.
Why does the demon need her? Can't the demon just take Molly's soul and anyone's soul? What is the demon's name? The demon is a main character and needs to have a name.
However, there are a few problems. First and most importantly, the story is very difficult to read. Please use punctuations as they will make it easier for readers to read your work. Also, I find it hard to believe she loses every case and every criminal has enough money to pay his way.
Why does the demon need her? Can't the demon just take Molly's soul and anyone's soul? What is the demon's name? The demon is a main character and needs to have a name.