A Supergirl - All Things Are Not As They Seem

[Bert]

Thanks guys! And yeah, a literal cliff hanger this time!

[CJS]

Fantastic. I love how both story threads are going.

[Bert]

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[DrDominator9]

Clearly, the star of this story is Silvio "The Stopper" Hopper. His incisive analysis is remarkable. He makes Al Michaels look like a raw rookie. More Silvio!!

[ksire_99]

Clearly, the star of this story is Silvio "The Stopper" Hopper. His incisive analysis is remarkable. He makes Al Michaels look like a raw rookie. More Silvio!!

It's insights like this that make Dr. D the best reviewer on the board, folks!

[CJS]

The Stopper reminds me of one of the commentators from a recurring Saturday Night Live skit years ago. I love how Bert’s story has drama and humor mixed together perfectly.

[Bert]

Grin! Thanks guys!

[Femina]

I'm reading this, just FYI. Started keeping up on it a few days ago. You do an outstanding job of describing the physicality of the action in your writing. I think the way you manage to maintain Supergirl's reactivity to attacks and such are fantastic. Your action scenes are by far the highlight of the story here. It's all very easy to follow and paints clean imagery of everything that's happening, and all in sequence, which I'm all to aware can at times be horrifically difficult to keep straight.

My only complaint... in the interest of providing feedback, is that Supergirl sometimes doesn't feel like a full fledged character. She was raped a few chapters back and if the incident weighs at all on her mind she doesn't show it. In fact the chapter feels so inconsequential that if it were gone, I wouldn't even realize I'd missed a chapter. I understand the urge to put in some sexy heroine rape as it was all well written and sexy enough... but it feels like there should be more fallout than there has been.

That said I'm still keeping up on this closely as it is just a very sexy tale with the sort of action-peril I find particularly delicious. It's a very sexy read all considered.

[Bert]

First, let me say thank you for the positive feedback. Coming from you, it means a lot. As for the sexual assault, I can't say much without revealing things too soon. Can I ask you to trust me?

[Femina]

First, let me say thank you for the positive feedback. Coming from you, it means a lot. As for the sexual assault, I can't say much without revealing things too soon. Can I ask you to trust me?

You don't need me to trust you. You don't owe me a story that works entirely to my tastes and personal specifications. I only offered the criticism in a constructive way in the event the detail might at least be noted on the off chance that it was not already.

It's simply the only thing I noticed so far that I personally wouldn't have done, which essentially is meaningless, especially with an as yet incomplete story. It's not my work (or even commission) to make demands on what I am and am not looking for in your story. If you wanted to write a light not-so-serious story with well detailed peril for fun and relaxation that's entirely your prerogative, as would be choosing to write a deep engrossing narrative and all that entails (as two nonspecific examples).

Part of the pitfalls of offering praise and criticism to an author on a post by post/chapter by chapter basis is just this, if you have plans that address my criticism in place already than my criticism isn't even relevant. I may find that the chapter works precisely where it is where regarding the work as a whole by the finish line, whether it does or does not wont change the positive things I said about your work.

In any case, I've found the vast majority of it worth my time to read, you're doing fine, the physicality of SHIP is the bread and butter of what I'm actually here for anyway... all the rest of that actually only services the logistic part of my brain that demands "story without consequence is pointless!" before running off to prove the dual-natured failings of humanity by finding BC's terribly written TROVE of stories over on the HIPCOMIX forum just about as thigh warming as is humanly possible in concentrated doses.................

Wait what was I talking about?

[Bert]

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[Bert]

@Femina - Sure, I hear you. I think your statement about Krissy not being a full fledged character is actually pretty valid. That's an aspect of CJS's work that I admire. I feel like I've been getting to know his heroine as his stories progress. It's something I want to improve in my own writing. I'm pretty new at this. My "trust me" comment was specifically aimed at Krissy's rape at the hands of Northram. That incident will come up again, and I wanted you to know that it wasn't just a throwaway scene. That's all. I really appreciate that you are reading the story and taking the time to comment. When I have time after this story is finished I intend to dive into your current tale. I've read the beginning, which impressed me so much that I'm flattered by your attention to my work.

[CJS]

I'm really enjoying how each opponent has a distinct personality and presence. And I've always liked when someone who views the hero with awe (or more, as was the case here ) is taken aback by events, and wonders how things will turn out (and then the hero rewards their faith in the end). So this one really ticked the right buttons for me.

[CJS]

Oh, and thank you for the appreciating my amateur attempts at character development, Bert, especially in a place where that is understandably and rightfully lower on the scale of interests. I think you're selling yourself short, too, as I feel like I'm getting to know Krissy, and her mix of vulnerability and determination, as this one progresses.

[Bert]

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[DrDominator9]

Excellent build up of tension in this chapter in both subplots, SG's fight as well as the rock climbing. Looking forward to where you take this.

[CJS]

Yes, what Dr. D said. Great build up in this one on all fronts. If this had been a book in my hands, it would have been one of those "can't put it down right now" parts -- and then of course it ended and I had to put it down :P

Something tells me the next part is going to be epic.

[Bert]

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[CJS]

Ohhhh. Digging and hating the cliffhangers at the same time. I guess I’m not a patient person.

[DrDominator9]

Yet another fine chapter. The ebb and flow of the fight is really well handled. Not sure who will win and lose here. I'm expecting Supergirl to hold out long enough to let the climbing team reach their objective but I'm not sure she'll be the winner at the end. She may buy the time but still lose and pay a heavy price. Either way though, I'm glued to this story. Good job, Bert.

[ksire_99]

I am hoping for some groping in the ring and in the bar. Poor Jenny is in need of attention.

[Bert]

Thanks guys, the feedback means a lot.

[Bert]

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[DrDominator9]

Another solid chapter. Very enjoyable. My only tiny complaint is that you have the males as a unit in Jocko's Bar rooting for the Russian. One might think there'd be a male or two rooting for the American woman and not against her. Oooh...Bar fight?!!! You could have Stopper doing his brilliant commentary on that as well.

[Bert]

It's actually just a few of the male bar patrons.

[CJS]

Whew, this fight is intense. And another cliffhanger! (I kid, because I do like how you keep us on the hook at the end of each chapter). Now get back to typing!

[bare_thighz]

I’m glad you took up a longer story, Bert. This built up to a nice climax with SG’s breast torture. Krissy keeps getting in over her head but finds a way out... only after enduring a miserable punishment. Maybe during an upcoming chapter she won’t find a way out .)

I don’t what it is about superheroines getting shot (and feeling it) but I definitely like that element.

Looking forward to reading the next installment.

edit: somehow commented before reading the whole thread. The showdown with the Russian reminds me of Rocky V. I hope SG doesn’t have the same fate as Creed.

[dodosony]

This long story has a unique and fantastic adventure for Krissy, who should be recognized as an exceptional superheroine which making this story brilliant than many others in Supergirl genre -- they followed the original work that Supergirl is invulnerable to villains' attacks. It should note that the fight back and forth with Krissy and her opponents such as Afghan and Igor is not only driving the plot into the next exciting level, as well as establishing Krissy's characteristics in the story.

From my point of view, the kryptonite-like stuff sucks because we all know what happened next. In order to make the adventure not predictable, a superheroine must show her braveness and intelligence in the situation that reduced her superpower. For example, Centurion and Flirty's Fuchsia Fox usually established a condition that limited Fox's power. There we see the other brilliant plot to achieve the same goal that directly sets a superheroine with powers equal to 15 normal men. That is the reason I like this long story, thanks to Bert's hard work, and cannot wait to see the installment.

[Bert]

Thanks dodosony and bare_thighz. It was a pleasure to drop in and find two comments from readers I haven't heard from before. I'm so pleased you are both enjoying the story. The plot development is about speed up, and there's more action to come!

[Bert]

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[DrDominator9]

Nice tit for tat by SG. She gets her breast and crotch crunched, she goes for Igor's balls. All's fair and all that. Nicely written. Enjoying every chapter.

[CJS]

Another great chapter. I’m liking how you have been able to develop Krissy as a character within the context of the fights. I feel like I’m getting to know her as the story progresses. I’m also enjoying the extra twist that seems to be thrown our way. Looking forward to see where it goes.

[Bert]

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[DrDominator9]

Pretty foolish of Supergirl to take her eyes off Sergei. She'll pay for that. Let's just see how much she's got left in the tank after such a long series of punishing matches.

[CJS]

Is there a “Love” button on here?

[Bert]

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[DrDominator9]

Ohh boy. This isn't a good development for Supergirl. She's running on fumes. I don't see her having enough in reserve to fight off Igor. I don't suppose he's on her side by chance?

[CJS]

This ramps up with every fight. I don’t have a good feeling about this one for Kristy.

[Mlod]

Almost against one, almost against the other, and now... both? Looking a bit bleak

[Bert]

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[CJS]

Whew, that was intense. Rescued in the nick of time. Very good descriptions in this chapter.

[Bert]

Thanks CJS, and also Doc and Mlod, for the comments. People taking the time to type a few words is really the fuel that keeps these stories going, so it's much appreciated.

[DrDominator9]

Superb chapter. Fantastic descriptions of SG's peril. Wonderful give and take of the battle scene, and who was gaining the upper hand. Thanks for a fine job, Bert.

[Bert]

Thanks Doc. I was hoping you'd like this one!

[flirty_but_nice]

More to come?

I have to admit, I was a bit saddened that the Supergirl’s rescue came quite so quickly. Perhaps all is not quite what it seems and there is more peril to come?

[bushwackerbob]

Just caught up with your story, really good and enjoyable read. I echo a lot of the comments above, I loved the flow of the story and the play by play commentary of the fights as well. You took Krissy's peril in your story to a whole new level and I thought it was really well done. Sorry I was a little late to the party with my feedback. Great job!

[Bert]

Glad you enjoyed it, BWB. There is a little more to come.

[Bert]

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[Bert]

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