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Diamond Star Issue One - The Power Belt
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GeekyPornCritic
This story is removed due to MH's double standards and personal rules set for me.
Last edited by GeekyPornCritic 4 years ago, edited 2 times in total.
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GeekyPornCritic
Thanks guys for reading my story. I will write a new issue soon after I am done working on a few projects.
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wondergirlsupragirl
- Veteran Member
- Posts: 250
- Joined: 10 years ago
Such an amazing fall from grace for the beautiful superheroine. Brilliant story!
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lordgriffin
- Sargeant
- Posts: 103
- Joined: 15 years ago
- Contact:
Well I see, as usual, I will be in the vast minority. Not sure if your still even following this thread.
I loved your premise, and you were incredibly detailed and logical right up until he started to use her for sex, then suddenly, everything went from detail to...a list of things he did. It was almost like you wanted to rush thru the sex with no point...
Even with that I could say I enjoyed your story except for the one thing that is almost unforgivable in my book (almost)
That was the whole "Oh yea, and she rallies and gets away so this whole story was pointless anyways"
For my part, I still want to read your stories because they have potential..but any more endings like that and me personally...will just stay away from your stories
I loved your premise, and you were incredibly detailed and logical right up until he started to use her for sex, then suddenly, everything went from detail to...a list of things he did. It was almost like you wanted to rush thru the sex with no point...
Even with that I could say I enjoyed your story except for the one thing that is almost unforgivable in my book (almost)
That was the whole "Oh yea, and she rallies and gets away so this whole story was pointless anyways"
For my part, I still want to read your stories because they have potential..but any more endings like that and me personally...will just stay away from your stories
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GeekyPornCritic
Thank you for your feedback. I'm new at writing stories so I am working on improving details and not trying to list things. There are not many stories about heroines rallying and I am writing in that direction. Diamond Star will not always win. She didn't clearly win in this story.lordgriffin wrote: ↑5 years agoWell I see, as usual, I will be in the vast minority. Not sure if your still even following this thread.
I loved your premise, and you were incredibly detailed and logical right up until he started to use her for sex, then suddenly, everything went from detail to...a list of things he did. It was almost like you wanted to rush thru the sex with no point...
Even with that I could say I enjoyed your story except for the one thing that is almost unforgivable in my book (almost)
That was the whole "Oh yea, and she rallies and gets away so this whole story was pointless anyways"
For my part, I still want to read your stories because they have potential..but any more endings like that and me personally...will just stay away from your stories
Diamond Star does not get away. Bruce is blackmailing her, she may have her power belt, but he knows her secrets. They have a date coming up whenever I write the next issue.
"...and she rallies and gets away so this whole story was pointless anyways."
This would only be true if the only point to a story was to end with the heroine still in captivity, or perhaps dead - which is absurd, and discounts everything about the story itself in favour of the final piece of it. Perhaps a story containing only a single line summarising a broken, chained heroine lying in defeat would be more to your liking? I'm sure you didn't mean to be so harsh, but it is still an actively nasty way to summarise someone else's work when you are just trying to convey that you personally wished for more abject defeat. As Geeky points out, you also seem to miss the point that she does still end the story in defeat, submitting to blackmail and remaining Bruce's plaything even after she reclaims the power - which is compelling stuff, and hardly her 'getting away'.
Anyways, I thought this was a cool effort Geeky. You've got some super sexy ideas and your writing is coming along. You formatted this perfectly and it looks like you took care to proofread it too, which is really appreciated. You've got a good vision for conjuring sexy peril romps - don't be afraid to linger more on the details as you go, trying to show us the scene more than telling us about it, if that makes sense. Keep it up!
This would only be true if the only point to a story was to end with the heroine still in captivity, or perhaps dead - which is absurd, and discounts everything about the story itself in favour of the final piece of it. Perhaps a story containing only a single line summarising a broken, chained heroine lying in defeat would be more to your liking? I'm sure you didn't mean to be so harsh, but it is still an actively nasty way to summarise someone else's work when you are just trying to convey that you personally wished for more abject defeat. As Geeky points out, you also seem to miss the point that she does still end the story in defeat, submitting to blackmail and remaining Bruce's plaything even after she reclaims the power - which is compelling stuff, and hardly her 'getting away'.
Anyways, I thought this was a cool effort Geeky. You've got some super sexy ideas and your writing is coming along. You formatted this perfectly and it looks like you took care to proofread it too, which is really appreciated. You've got a good vision for conjuring sexy peril romps - don't be afraid to linger more on the details as you go, trying to show us the scene more than telling us about it, if that makes sense. Keep it up!
Lost in the night, and there is no morning.
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lordgriffin
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You know, Void, your reply is exactly why, in my opinion, this board is going dead. I am not trying to be angry or "flame" but you made a whole bunch of assumptions, attributed them to me and declared the idea absurd...I dunno I guess every once in say the last 30 years, it might be nice if someone actually wanted to LISTEN to a different point of view...(now lately THAT is an absurd statement)
In fact not only did I not mean to be so harsh...I WASN'T that harsh (again you attributed a voice inflection to the written word because hey...it's what everyone does....)
I think somewhere in there I commented that I thought that the Geek's effort was cool...but...eh what does that matter? I might NOT have missed the point, but again...who asked? I miss the days when we could actually have a conversation and not a conviction....but you might notice I am far less active here, and I am sure that makes meany more satisfied....
In fact not only did I not mean to be so harsh...I WASN'T that harsh (again you attributed a voice inflection to the written word because hey...it's what everyone does....)
I think somewhere in there I commented that I thought that the Geek's effort was cool...but...eh what does that matter? I might NOT have missed the point, but again...who asked? I miss the days when we could actually have a conversation and not a conviction....but you might notice I am far less active here, and I am sure that makes meany more satisfied....
Void wrote: ↑5 years ago"...and she rallies and gets away so this whole story was pointless anyways."
This would only be true if the only point to a story was to end with the heroine still in captivity, or perhaps dead - which is absurd, and discounts everything about the story itself in favour of the final piece of it. Perhaps a story containing only a single line summarising a broken, chained heroine lying in defeat would be more to your liking? I'm sure you didn't mean to be so harsh, but it is still an actively nasty way to summarise someone else's work when you are just trying to convey that you personally wished for more abject defeat. As Geeky points out, you also seem to miss the point that she does still end the story in defeat, submitting to blackmail and remaining Bruce's plaything even after she reclaims the power - which is compelling stuff, and hardly her 'getting away'.
Anyways, I thought this was a cool effort Geeky. You've got some super sexy ideas and your writing is coming along. You formatted this perfectly and it looks like you took care to proofread it too, which is really appreciated. You've got a good vision for conjuring sexy peril romps - don't be afraid to linger more on the details as you go, trying to show us the scene more than telling us about it, if that makes sense. Keep it up!
I'm fairly certain the forum isn't going dead, but that's a separate conversation.
You're allowed to have your own perspective, LG, and it is no less valid than anyone else's - though also not more valid. Presumably I am just as welcome as you are to have a differing opinion, and we differ on this. If you are happy to strongly represent your opinion, then I assume you are comfortable receiving equally strong responses to it.
As I said, I don't think you meant to be harsh, nor did I say that you didn't say anything positive or that your view was unwelcome - but you *did* summarise the whole story as pointless on the basis that the heroine got away. It was that specific line that I was disagreeing with, and the reason that I highlighted it before I commented. Criticism is fine, and saying that you personally wanted things that the story didn't deliver and that it disappointed you is fine. Feedback is priceless. But the words you used hit harder than you surely intended, and while that's still welcome I would *always* contest it. If someone described one of your stories as pointless because the heroine didn't get away, I would disagree just as strongly. When I first started posting content, and I had zero confidence in my abilities or my ideas, a line like 'this whole story is pointless' would have crushed me, and there is no tone I could have applied to it that would make it less crushing. Keep in mind the context that you wrote the guide that sits above the story forum, and that might lend your words even more weight.
Anyways, it sounds like we do both agree that there was lots of promise in this story, and we'll watch out for more. Maybe Diamond Star will end up as a slave in the next one!
You're allowed to have your own perspective, LG, and it is no less valid than anyone else's - though also not more valid. Presumably I am just as welcome as you are to have a differing opinion, and we differ on this. If you are happy to strongly represent your opinion, then I assume you are comfortable receiving equally strong responses to it.
As I said, I don't think you meant to be harsh, nor did I say that you didn't say anything positive or that your view was unwelcome - but you *did* summarise the whole story as pointless on the basis that the heroine got away. It was that specific line that I was disagreeing with, and the reason that I highlighted it before I commented. Criticism is fine, and saying that you personally wanted things that the story didn't deliver and that it disappointed you is fine. Feedback is priceless. But the words you used hit harder than you surely intended, and while that's still welcome I would *always* contest it. If someone described one of your stories as pointless because the heroine didn't get away, I would disagree just as strongly. When I first started posting content, and I had zero confidence in my abilities or my ideas, a line like 'this whole story is pointless' would have crushed me, and there is no tone I could have applied to it that would make it less crushing. Keep in mind the context that you wrote the guide that sits above the story forum, and that might lend your words even more weight.
Anyways, it sounds like we do both agree that there was lots of promise in this story, and we'll watch out for more. Maybe Diamond Star will end up as a slave in the next one!
Lost in the night, and there is no morning.
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bushwackerbob
- Legendary Member
- Posts: 784
- Joined: 10 years ago
- Location: Boston, MA
I really enjoyed your story, nice job. I hope to see more of your work here. If they ever made your story into a SHP film, I would buy it for sure.