How to tell your friends and family that you now ....make fetish videos for a living?

[Maskripper]

Let's say someone would think about quitting his stupid job and would start something that he wanted to do for a long time now.
He would love to start making fetish videos with masked women and female scuba divers in action.
Let's say he has plenty of ideas and some financial reserves to not go broke in the first few weeks.

But a main question this person is asking himself.....what to tell friends and family?
A really tough question!
Would he just lie and pretend he would still work in his old job? Even that would mean lying to them for years? Seems hardly an option.
But telling the full truth seems hardly an option as well.....
I mean what is he supposed to tell?
I make these videos because it turns me to see women getting unmasked!
Or
It turns me on to see a woman in a tight rubber suit fighting for her life in a scuba fight!

Well, let's see, I guess the reaction may be:
......silence....

"What is wrong with you?"
"You filthy pervert!"
(even it isn't a pervert thing)
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I mean he could say he makes these videos because they would sell sooo good (not really true)....for example.
But wouldn't they soon question that motivation?

I mean if your big fetish is "only" that you love women with big boobs....no one will say much against it, it's a "normal" thing.
Or let's say women in sexy boots and pantyhose. Rather normal as well.
But the majority don't understand these niche fetishes at all and I'm sure most folks would turn away (in real life) if someone would confess that.
I mean this person never opened up to someone he actually knows in "real" life....besides girlfriends.
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So folks.....any recomendations for that guy?
Do you tell ANY person you know in real life.... besides your wife/husband or girlfriend/boyfriend ....about your fetishes?
This question is pretty much a possible dealbreaker for this guy.
Would love to hear your opinion, folks!

*EDIT* Especially I would like to hear something as well from the guys who are producers already, the folks with the green usernames here

[bushwackerbob]

This is an interesting question! I have always dreamed of winning the lottery and starting my own SHIP film company. The only snag is that I would probably have to "come out" as someone with a SHIP fetish. What would friends and family say? Would they think any less of me? Would they think that what turns me on in my fantasy life would inform and cross over into how I view women in the real world? It would kill me if my loved ones started to feel that the stuff of my fantasies are something that I condone or support in the real world, that those vile and heinous acts committed against women in the real world are reflections of how I feel about women ought to be treated in the real world, which obviously is not the case. I think that if it were me, I would still go through with it and hope that my family still see me as the same person today as I was yesterday, that nothing has changed in the content of my character, that I still am the same person I always was. I think the question comes down to how much do you want to make those videos, is it worth risking the good opinion of your family and friends, is coming out worth the uncertainty of the reception of the revelation of your innermost and darkest fantasies.

[tallyho]

I would say you make videos but maybe keep it ambiguous.
You could couch it so you aren't exactly lying, just not telling the whole truth

"You know those corporate training and specialist niche hobby sort of videos? Well I'm branching out into stuff like that'

It's 'stuff like that' in the sense of being a short video that you are making, it's just the actual subject matter is different.

Or downplay your role so that you are 'working FOR such a company rather than running it.

To ease your conscience maybe make one short training video (that you may even show them)' how to use a fire extinguisher' or something
And that way you won't be lying if you say " I work for a firm that makes health and safety videos".

The beauty of it being a health and safety video firm is that NO ONE will want to sit through one.

You could even say its about what to do or what happens when you are in trouble under water, and that way it explains the scuba gear.

Just a thought and I wash my hands of any liability at this point. It's your choice and will fall on your head, but that's what I would do and say, since you asked me

[Bert]

Yeah, talk about a dilemma! Asking us is tough because we are a biased audience - I'd love to see what you came up with for videos! But putting that aside, my suggestion would be to plan and shoot one video on the sly. Obviously it would be extremely difficult, but I think it would be worth the effort. You need to find out if you enjoy the nuts and bolts of making movies, if you can get the performances you want from actors, if you can be happy with the finished product, and if your vision translates to sales. Now clearly you would get better with experience, so keep that in mind.

It's a massive, and probably life changing event to do this professionally. You will lose friends. The reason almost all of us keep this fetish secret is because it looks icky. Even people with superheroine fetishes where the heroine always dominates find us icky. Going so public would entail having long, uncomfortable conversations with friends and family about what this stuff is to you. For some it will be a bridge too far.

I guess it comes down to how badly you want to do it. Super driven people overcome obstacles. Personally, I'd never do it. I value my friendships more than my fetish life.

[DrDominator9]

A fascinating topic, especially for those who lead the double life of it on a daily basis. While it's only been writing and not producing that I've been doing for over two decades now, there are many parallels. What would people think of my fetish? Would they be envious of me for doing something I love? (Not if they saw the income stream, I assure you!) Would they be horrified? Would they possibly be half blase and half curious? "Oh, that's what you've been spending your time on! I knew it was something. Well, to each his own."

I told my wife about a year and half ago that I wrote "erotic fiction" and had been doing it for years. Her reaction was surprisingly calm. She didn't seem to care about the porn aspect all that much. She knew I spent a lot of time at the computer doing something and was actually pleased that I was creating something instead of just wasting my time playing computer games. That said, she has not had the desire or intellectual curiosity to read my work, except for the occasional non-sexual passage I would offer up on a very rare occasion. Maybe she's just afraid to read it and discover the low depths of her husband's interests. Like her, I haven't probed too deeply into why she has stopped at the border of things and not looked deeply into that abyss. She does bemoan the fact that I don't make money with my art. She seems impressed when I tell her my readership numbers on occasion.

So what I'm saying is that you might be surprised at the possible lack of harsh reaction from your friends and family. I'm not saying that will happen. I may have married an incredibly understanding woman who's happy with the limits of knowing what she knows and living with that.

Good luck with your decision.

[tallyho]

I may have married an incredibly understanding woman who's happy with the limits of knowing what she knows and living with that.

Yep you found a gal with the magic combination - no sense of smell, poor eyesight, stunning good looks and very low self esteem

[DrDominator9]

I may have married an incredibly understanding woman who's happy with the limits of knowing what she knows and living with that.

Yep you found a gal with the magic combination - no sense of smell, poor eyesight, stunning good looks and very low self esteem

It beats having a lonely pint in the pub twice a week (or five times, who are we kidding?) and singing songs of your youth off-key with lyrics you barely remember and a barkeep who tells you to give him your keys, you're cut off more times than not!

[Abductorenmadrid]

My better half was very understanding of my writing side, particularly as we met through our BDSM interests. What would be difficult to deal with is other parties, friends, family etc if they were to ask what I wrote. One Google search later and they would discover that I wasn't doing anything (under my real name) and certainly I couldn't give them a title or publication name to point them at ... so ... with no plausible deniability option my secret has to stay a secret.

Making videos though might be a slightly easier story to sell if you choose your topics wisely. Like Tallyho said, you do internal corporate training videos, health and safety stuff, maybe promo material ... all the yawn inducing stuff that no one will want to see ... in fact ... all the stuff that gets put onto VHS tapes which will get loaded into the machine on the audio-video trolley to present to "Night Shift B" so the factory boss can say he gave his workers their induction training for safe forklift truck battery charging... ie ... it's not on Youtube and why would you keep a private copy? It's an easier half-truth to sell, I think.

[Damselbinder]

I would never even *remotely* consider telling family or friends about my... interests.

[Imagineer]

Try it as a vacation before trying it as a vocation.

Then ask yourself honestly why that's not enough.

The judgment you seem afraid of here isn't that you're turned on by women getting unmasked, or women in tight rubber suits and diving gear fighting for their lives -- it's the judgment that you're so unsatisfied by the quality and quantity of content that serves this fetish that you're willing to dedicate your professional life to producing it.

What really excites you, as a whole person? And can you really not convey that to the people you want and need in your life in a way they can accept? And if not, what's more important to your fulfillment as a whole person, this pursuit of what excites you or these people's place in your life?

To this I'll add the warning that your activity is more difficult to keep secret if you have to buy it, and seems an order of magnitude more difficult to keep secret if you have to sell it -- and it's all getting more difficult as time goes on.

[batgirl1969]

my advice....Don't tell them!! If my family outsode of my Sister and Step-Brother ever found I would be shunned....a pretty religious Jewish/ Italian family so.....We keep it on the low...they just think we are weird cosplayers con going anime toy fanatics....lol...if they only knew...one couson does but she is in on it too!!! This is what has kept me from both performing amd acting outside of our small circle and annonymous hook ups at conventions....otherwise I would BE Catwoman or Batgirl in every porno and strip club imaginable....

[argento]

Hello, I've been making comics for a long time and at one time I published them in the The Wizard's Lair's gallery, being Zeta Clark the one who did the dialogues for me because my English is very bad. At the beginning I communicated it to a colleague, who was also my friend and had the best idea to comment it to another colleague. There are people of bad faith all over the world . Now if it's a legal job, sooner or later everyone is going to find out. The important thing is what your partner and children think.

[Femina]

For starters, you don't owe anybody any information whatsoever about your sex life or sexual interests, and more importantly... most of the people you'd be worried about knowing... don't WANT to know anyway. Most of the people you know don't actually wants your dick picks and nudes no matter how impressive you may think they are (xD not that you necessarily send dick picks or nudes or anything) So, the real dilemma is less about whether or not you should be fretting over people figuring out about your fetishes, cause you don't owe anybody that... and if anybody asks you should feel perfectly fine telling them 'none of your buisiness'. The actual question becomes whom in your life do you owe some kind of explanation for how you are making money... if it's no one, then really the only explanation you owe anyone is that its legal and not exploitative.

If you DO have people in your life whom deserve to know, or NEED to know how you're making your money, then you've got to ask yourself those more serious questions.

[theScribbler]

Umm...

Directing this post to 'this guy'...

Do you have a business plan?

Have you worked out all the expenses for making your first video?

Are you knowledgable about model/actresses releases (contracts) in your country?

What about what you need to know legal-wise to release stuff to USA? to UK?

Have you ever directed talent and crew? Been on a fetish film shoot, or something similar? A real film shoot, or student film shoot?

Have you worked out how you're gonna sell said video and how long it's likely to take to make your money back, yet alone start profiting?

Fetish videos aren't a gold mine, except for maybe Kink.com.

What if the first video fails, loses money, do you have the persistence to push thru for a year or two making movies? Lots of them?

What if you make some actress or crew mad and they find your real name and phone, and call your home?

Anyway...

You don't have to tell anyone really. Just the people you hire to do this. You don't even have to tell them it's your fetish. If you have a middle name use that as your first name for this venture. Get a tracfone or similar in your country for you to call people that work with you on this.

If you live with person, people, how well do you know them and how they'd react? You can say you're helping out a friend with his film project, and he's paying you, but he wants to keep his project under wraps till it comes out (which never happens! You know, like Nightshadow!).

Don't know what you do now, so can't guess how you could use that to translate to a position (in your own fetish company) that you can pretend is not your business but you just work there as, i dunno, an accountant?

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Have you thought about doing customs first? See how the audience responds?

PM shevek, altho he'll probably see this. Is he making a living from superheroine vids or also working another job?

[Maskripper]

Thanks for all the posts so far and the future posts as well!
Why do you folks think I'm talking about me? That could be anybody!
-
As you took the time to write I take the time to answer, even that means a rather long post

@bushwackerbob:
Yeah, a big lottery winning would help a lot as you wouldn't need to worry much about sales and costs of these videos.
And it would bring another advantage:
If someone asks what you do for living you can just say: "I'm RICH, I don't have to work...."
They might then think that a lazy-ass dude, but well at least that's better than a "pervert"...in their eyes.
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@tallyho:
Yeah, actually not the worst idea! Such a "weasel" option seems better than the two alternatives.
Of course there are quite some risks involved as they may asks things you didn't expect and can't give a satisfying reply to it.
Perhaps then it would be wise to actually make one or two random videos just to have something to show anyone who asks.
If someone would tell me he/she is a video producer I would be curious enough to wanna see something he/she made.....especially when it's a family member or friend.
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@Bert:
Going fully public with that seems hardly an option for me right now.
I have siblings, nephews and nieces.
I don't think I ever could tell them the (full) truth why I would make such videos.....without them thinking of me as a total weirdo....at best.
With some of my friends it might work without loosing them. But if some of them knew that secret.....it may always get revealed ....accidentally or willingly..... to others.
And then you totally loose control over who knows it.

I am thinking about it for a loooong time already because the fetish videos that are out there don't satisfy in regards of what I wanna see.
There are good videos out there, no doubt....but after all these year I realise slowly that I will need to either order custom videos or have to become a producer myself....to get what I wanna see.
I do have many ideas of plots, scenes and actions.
And after all, the whole heroine/mask fetish is only one of my fetishes....
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@Dr.Dominator9:
A fine example, but I think it's indeed different to discuss that with your siblings and friends on the other hand.
And then if one knows the full truth there is always the danger that the knowledge gets spread to others....

P.S.: Playing video games is NOT a waste of time

(as long you play "real" games and not something like Farmville or so)
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@Abductorenmadrid:
Yeah, as I wrote above towards tallyho, that way seems like the best version to go....even that has its dangers of course.
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@Damselbinder:
I wouldn't either. But if I would make that for a living I have to tell my friends and family something about it. The "ugly" truth or a small or big lie.
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@Imagineer:
Yeah, I would certainly test the waters by making one or two videos before I decide to go full-time video producer.

My current job and the jobs before doesn't satisfy me in terms of I really enjoy doing them.
The job brings in the money to finance the fun. That's about it. It's ok and I can work there without getting a heart-attack or a depression.
I was always a movie geek.
I discovered my fetishes early on.
Making fetish movies therefore seems like a great combo. A job I actually would REALLY care about.
Especially as I am more and more frustrated because I don't get what I want to see (see above)
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@batgirl1969:
Yeah, the full truth is not a good option, I agree. But as established in other posts...I need to tell them something....if I don't wanna fully lie to them about what I'm doing (or rather will be doing....perhaps).
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@argento:
Yeah, that would certainly be a challenge to keep it the secret safe.
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@Femina:
Off course, I don't owe anyone such informations....totally agree. Is nothing I talk about with others besides the internet folks.
But let's see I would do these videos and for example a brother asks me:
"What kind of videos do you make?"
and I would reply:
"that's none of your buisness!"

.....that wouldn't be an option for you. So, telling some half lies like others suggested already....seems a better option.
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@theScribbler:
All good points. My planing isn't very far yet. But let's say I wouldn't go broke too quickly.
Of course I need to figure out a lot of things ...if....I go on with this.
But this "what can I tell who?" is hovering like a big sword over me.
If that can't be handled all this won't be more than a dream job.

And actually, I don't wanna make videos like "what would the folks love to see?".....I wanna make the videos I wanna see.
I think that many producers just do what others want them to make. Of course out of financial aspects.
But that wouldn't be my first concern. If the earned money is enough to keep my present life, it would be ok.
That I will only know if I actually would start it.
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[tallyho]

@tallyho:
Of course there are quite some risks involved as they may asks things you didn't expect and can't give a satisfying reply to it.
Perhaps then it would be wise to actually make one or two random videos just to have something to show anyone who asks.
If someone would tell me he/she is a video producer I would be curious enough to wanna see something he/she made.....especially when it's a family member or friend.
-----------

Really? If someone said to me
"I make health and safety instruction videos, you know how to use a fire extinguisher, how to exit the plane those kinda things"

I don't think my reaction would be "Switch off Raiders, we can see Indy anytime, gather one and all, we can watch how to use a fire extinguisher! "


A lot depends how you sell it. For starters, you are NOT A PRODUCER. Producer sounds interesting and out of the norm. So
1) You don't produce films, you make them.
2) There's nothing to see. It's all close up stuff about how you pump the nozzle etc, so you just see someone's hands
3)" I was hoping I'd get to work with some top model or something but it was just the hands of the sound guy. Just my luck. So not even got anything exciting to see, it's just hands working an extinguisher. The narration was the customer so not exactly Anthony Hopkins. "
4) It's not as interesting as it sounds.

Just downplay every aspect of it. Family interest only goes so far.

You could download one off the Internet if you feel you have to show them something, and just run it until their eyes glass over,


It's very much in your hands how you sell it to them though. Sound fed up and down beat when you talk about it and it discourages interest.

Anyhow whatever you decide, the best of British luck with it.

[DrDominator9]

So then, Tallyho, you're saying he shouldn't tell people, "My job is creating works where incredibly hot barely-clad women whose phone numbers I do have on speed dial, Cousin Kevin, show both ecstasy and horror in scripted moments of carnal lust and debasing. Could you please pass the potatoes, Granny Pearl."

[tallyho]

Yes. Yes I am.
The last thing you want is for Granny Pearl to chip in "I used to do some of those back in the '60s. Course it was on cinefilm back then. That's how I met your Grandfather..."

[ivandobsky]

Do you need to make any more money? If not, you might just tell your relatives that you're retiring early.

If you anticipate that you might decide to, or be financially obligated to reenter the world of "regular" work, you should consider what you might tell a prospective employer. I've had to do this, with the truthful story being to take some time out to relax, learn, catch up on DIY projects etc. I did 6 months of that and got a job again OK. If you can say you were were full time self-employed this might make you more employable, but it depends what your job title is and what you'd say about it in interview etc.

You might consider what else you would be doing in your time off. If you, say, moved house (perhaps you want to downsize, or get some land in the country to retire etc), you can tell anyone who wants to know what you've been up to about that rather than your filmmaking. Perhaps you might want to tell them you're learning some tech stuff, which might be relevant to your web hosting, payment processing stuff anyway. If you get bored making films, perhaps you can become a consultant.

You might also want to, if you haven't already, take up scuba diving. It would help explain all the wierd stuff in your shed when the relatives come over.

[MightyHypnotic]

I will definitely add to this thread but it will take some time since I will share a lot with you guys.

[SHL]

My two cents:

If you can’t make a video with your free time away from work... then keep your day job.

There is nothing about being unemployed that will make you more successful at making fetish films.

Nothing.

[sneakly]

Disclaimer, I am not a producer, so my opinions are based on being a casual observer.

I doubt most of the more successful (and probably less successful) producers quit their day jobs until they were pretty far along in the process. Aside from learning about how to actually produce a video (models, lighting, sound, sets, editing , distribution, etc.), you also need to need figure out the legal bits too, like record keeping, waivers, taxes and insurance. Some of these things you can have learn on the fly as an amateur producer, but cutting the cord to a steady income only to find out you have a financially insurmountable hurdle would be a bummer.

Another problem is timing, piracy is wiping out the producer driven porn theses days. The fetish market is being driven by special order videos where a single of small group of customers is footing the some of the initial cost of production. Does your business plan take that into account? Do you have a ready built market? If you do it as a labor of love,it doesn’t really matter, eventually your product will find its audience, small or large. If it is a dinner on the table job, you have to focus on that first.

On deviant arts there is an interview with Jim Weathers about the origins of Bondagecafe. You might want to read up on how some of the successful producers came to be.

As for telling your family, I wouldn’t until you have to. If you do it as a hobby business, don’t bother until you have a success either financial or artistic that you want to share.

[Imagineer]

A couple of things jump out at me and make me go "hmmm."

To what extent are you reaching for full time because that's the only hypothetical scenario in which you can afford the amount of content you desire?

And to what extent are you reaching for full time because that's a hypothetical scenario in which normal nights and weekends aren't consumed so you don't have unusual time commitments or free-time activities that you have to explain?

It feels like you're looking to bet everything on a very unlikely outcome.

The "job I actually would REALLY care about," the one in which "I don't wanna make videos like 'what would the folks love to see?'.....I wanna make the videos I wanna see," and in which "the earned money is enough to keep my present life" -- does that even exist? Can you get there? Especially without getting caught, as seems an overriding concern for you?

And are you betting everything on this dream scenario because you're already convinced that you won't be satisfied with the amount of content you can produce as a side gig... or because you think that side gig is much more likely to expose you as a "weirdo" "pervert?"

I think you may be overestimating your ability to keep a whole new career secret, and underestimating your social network's ability to accept a crazy hobby / mid-life crisis / phase you're going through / something you always wanted to try / bucket-list item -- not because I know them, but because there are so many ways and so many layers you can use to dress up an interest, and you don't have to explain how it pays for your whole life, only how you can afford to indulge it.

Set aside the job talk and just figure out how to pull off one shoot in your free time with your disposable income.

That activity will inform you about the things you're concerned about, and the things you should be concerned about, with low risk and easier recovery.

[Maskripper]

@Tallyho:
Sounds like a good idea, that downplaying aspect.
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@ivandobsky:
Retiring early is not an option at my age ;-)
...unless I win the lottery

And I already am a certified diver, as I was always curious to what it would be like to step into that world.
So far most of that gear would be ok to be seen by the relatives ;-)
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@SHL:
Yeah, sounds logical
The first vids shall be made as to test the waters.
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@sneakly :
Sounds good. When enthusiasm grabs me big time I often want too much too soon.
As for the piracy problem I already considered that. The videos will be especially encoded...if you watch them and haven't paid for them....your head will simply explode.

On a more serious note: Yeah, I know that being a gigantic problem.
Hopefully I can avoid that to a certain degree by some of my ideas on that topic.

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@Imagineer:
Yeah, some good points. As I mentioned above, it seems more rational to start this part time while keeping the job.
I was too focused on the "what should I tell who?" aspect that I lost the bigger picture.